I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
