Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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