brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
