I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
