There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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