I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
