I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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