You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
