if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
