Betty ford says i'm here all night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
