so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize