Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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