I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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