he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
is it fun? or sober?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
