great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I looked at my own cervix.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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