i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
