Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
