The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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