break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
