Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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