so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
