hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
