So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
