I am puke
I cannot find my penis.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
