I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
