I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
