Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
