I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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