Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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