i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
