watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
