how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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