I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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