I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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