I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
