Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
