waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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