So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
