Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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