just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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