does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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