Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
