He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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