But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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