Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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