Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
