I am puke
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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