I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
