Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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