I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
