dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
