I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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