I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
