What a fucking waste of an outfit
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
