That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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