So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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