Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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