that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
