What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
