I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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