Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
