Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
