ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
