Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
