shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
