checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
