I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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