if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
