I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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