I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
