I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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