My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
