Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
