maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
