i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
