every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
