I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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