normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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