I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
